A simple "Thanks" would have been enough...

It’s weird, well it is and it isn’t. The ex I wrote about in the previous post, I found out his dad passed away. So, I thought I would be an adult, after over a year of no communication, I wrote him an email, a very short, sweet, to the point email, stating I had heard about his father and was sorry. It contained no amount of emotion leading anyone to believe I had written under any other pretense. It’s not that I expected a grand gesture some kind of long winded reply, or any of the aforementioned feelings, but I did kind of expect a “Thanks”. And I know that’s probably selfish. Ok, it’s really selfish since his dad just died and all (mind you his dad died in November, I didn’t find out until after Christmas) but still, we were pretty much married… a “thanks for thinking of me” shouldn’t have been that far out in left field. And yeah, I’m sure he has a girlfriend, at least I hope we’ve both moved on it’s been forever, but I have no clue who she is, and she should probably have no clue who I was, so responding to a generic email shouldn’t get him in trouble (I’m grasping for reasons he might not have responded here). Like when he and I were dating, and his ex wanted to talk, did I care? Sure it bothered me a bit, but that was a conversation, and I didn’t really care, I didn’t think it was going to lead anywhere, but this, this was a two sentence email that most assuredly wasn’t going to go anywhere, other than what should have been a short and to the point reply.

Do I want to know how his life is going? Well of course, I’m curious, I wouldn’t be human if I wasn’t, and I mean I did love the kid for a few years. But I wasn’t asking for that. I would never ask for that, it would only be okay if both of us were in situations that made it okay.

I’ve been in this totally weird non-relationship, relationship for a year, the last thing I need to do is mess with my mind anymore by adding the ex into the situation. Speaking of, I really do need to end the non-relationship, relationship, because I only use it to fill my time, and he’s eventually going to resent me for it…. If he doesn’t already, and the fact that I don’t really care how he feels just tells me how wrong this whole situation is. This is most certainly reason #598 why I am going to Hell.

So, if I was going to start a goal, it would be to kill the endless road to nowhere, and actually let someone who I might end up liking back into my life.