I'm going to include my myspace blog at the bottom of this post, for the shear fact that I want to permanently remember the feelings that I've had the past two weeks, and this is the best way to do it, since I'm contemplating deleting my myspace page since I no longer use it frequently.
I'll never understand why things happen, but I guess that's what makes life worth living. You don't know what to expect, so you kind of have to stick around for to see what's going to happen next. The suspense is too much to take... riighht...
This week has been a kind of epic fail kind of week, just an all around fail. Another down in the dumps, head stuck in a jar, slipped on a banana peel and landed in the mud kind of week. But hopefully, this week turns brighter. I'm hoping for it. Planning for it. COUNTING on it. So it better be!
Some people need time to reorganize after a break up. Some people need to be single, regain who they were, decide where they're going, make a plan of action and follow thru. Separate themselves from their once other half, and build that half back on their own. Me. I need someone in my bed. Now. I know that sounds a bit trite, and probably a bit disturbing. But lets face it, in this kind of situation the only way out is thru and I need to feel vindicated, and pull out ahead of the evil former other half. Even a one night stand at this point would be better than nothing. (Okay, that does sound slightly disconcerting) But I don't need SOMETHING to take my mind off what's going on. I need SOMEONE. So game on. I'm officially on the prowl. That just sounds incredibly disturbing.
Maybe all of this is a sign, a sign that I'm supposed to move to the UK and marry my dream man! I knew I couldn't give up hope of that dream. So I won't. I'm going to make it happen. Just as soon as I escape the torture of fixing up the house and moving on with my life.
I kind of lied before, I do have a plan of action, because I have to have a plan for everything. I don't live on a whim, unless it's a Saturday, and only then do I do things by the seat of my pants, and only then will I do things that I hadn't planned in some fashion of doing. Maybe a trip to the casino is in order. Maybe that would help. I suppose only if I actually won some money, if I went and lost I'd feel even worse, probably not a good thing, eh? So I have my plan, posted on my fridge, and I'm taking steps to accomplish everything on the list, sooner rather than later.
Other than that, I'm going to start updating this thing more frequently. Lucky you. I know. Look for it.
Ninja, Out.
Life can throw you a curve ball, but you can still hit a homerun.
"Every war has its casualties, and every victory it's price. Nothing really changed that night, nothing big at least, just a little piece of something that was never going to be the same, not ever. The thing is, it's hard to tie a bandage with one hand, but sooner or later, we learn." –Kevin Arnold. The Wonder Years
Wow, so life is crazy right now. Like heart racing, head pounding, arms feel like jello crazy right now. So here it is, you said I’d do it, run and tell ‘anyone who’ll listen’ so I suppose I am…
The boy is gone, he’s decided it’s best for both of us. That was nice of him. I really think it’s easy choice for him. Leave me with the house that I bought, because he liked it alot and we needed a place to live, I really didn’t care where we lived as long as it wasn’t where we were living. Leave me with the bills that have been created because of the house, the need for the dumpster, the need to have the front section of property brush hogged, the house power washed, the basement projects that were started and never finished, the bathroom project that was started and never finished…and he gets to go home to mommy and daddy and being again with no baggage, other than his new found ‘friend’… life is funny.
It’s funny that you think you should hate someone, someone who destroyed your life as you knew it without a second thought in the world, someone who took away all your security and comfort, and did it in the most severe form of betrayal. But yet, I laugh, because I can’t hate him. He was selfish, and didn’t want to work thru issues, saw the easy way out and took it, couldn’t man up and leave a month ago when he found someone new, someone who didn’t have the past we have together, instead he’d tread out on the greener grass a little farther each day, deciding that problems were problems he’d like to leave behind, instead of using the communication he told me he was a master of before we started dating. Did to me what had been done to him, what had been done to friends of his, and something he said he’d never do…
Saying it wasn’t because of her, okay, but she didn’t help the situation. Unhappy? Guess what, I was told I was the only person responsible for my own happiness, so how can I be responsible for someone else’s? Maybe I did take everything for granted, but it wasn’t forever, and I tried to show how I felt, in every little thing I did. Maybe it wasn’t the way he wanted it, but it was all I had to give. But how can the unhappiness over shadow the happiness? How did that happen? I’m still questioning that one. Because in all the times that I was unhappy, all the times I didn’t want to be here, I NEVER wanted to be with someone else, and for all the times I reacted harshly, I knew the good always out weighed the bad, and that this too shall pass. There were times I wanted to walk away, times I wanted to pack it all in, but then something would happen, or there’d be a look, or a smile and I’d realize it was all worth it. The sunshine was worth the pain. I didn’t want this to begin; I fought and fought to stop from creating a situation that would ruin a friendship that was amazing. But you can’t deny feelings.
Two years and it comes down to this... it's amazing how fast things can go from forever to never. Lessons learned, that's for sure. I want to hate him. But I don't. I still have a love for him. It’s a sad sorry kind of love, but I'm no longer in love with him, because this boy who said all the nasty things to me, this boy who treated me less than, the boy who said just play it cool and everything will be okay, while he was testing the waters with someone new, playing with my emotions and saying it would all work out, even though he was already preparing to leave, this is not the boy I fell in love with. The boy I fell in love with used to play with my hair, and sing me silly songs, complain about my socks on the couch, and looked at me like I was the only thing he could see, that's the boy I fell in love with, and that boy left me more than a month ago... it just took me a while to understand that.
But I see it now. And I’m picking the pieces up, thankfully I have friends, GREAT friends. And a support system I never knew existed. So the bills will be paid, the grass will get mowed, the projects that weren’t finished will be finished, and I’ll walk away from it all a little tattered, a little torn, but no worse for wear. And I get to do it knowing I tried harder for this than I’ve ever tried for anything in my entire life. I gave everything I had to give, and it wasn’t enough. The cold eyes that looked past me as he gathered his things told me how little I had actually meant. Though the words of the past tell me otherwise, it’s how it ends that lasts forever. Life wasn’t perfect, I realize that, I didn’t make things easier, but I didn’t give up on it either. And nothing is only one persons fault, I made mistakes too, lots of them, but when you see something happening that affects your future, and you try and control the violent spin that becomes the fallout how is that wrong? How is it wrong to want to hold onto something you want? Something that means everything, something that is a part of you, something you can’t imagine living without? So becoming defensive was my reaction, becoming paranoid for good reason was my reaction, it was over before all of that anyway, trying to show my emotion and happiness ended up being too little, too late, and it’s the past. What’s done is done.
It’s funny how in situations like this people inevitably feel sorry for you, and want to fix the situation, but sometimes there is nothing to fix, nothing to mend, the pieces just don’t fit together anymore, the puzzle is unsolvable. And while it’s nice to hear people support you, and want to support your feelings of anger and rage, it’s nice to hear people laugh and joke too, so thanks to Vegas for yesterday, and yes the wedding is in May. And the dresses will be lime green even though you look good in blue. A smile thru the hurt is a good feeling. “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”
After he packed his stuff, everybody told me that I was going to be ok. That, it would take a little time, but I would heal. Well, I don’t know if that’s going to happen; not really anyway. . . What I’m feeling right now, it doesn't ever really go away -- not completely. It's not like, I’m going to go back to being the person I was before he left -- that person's gone. It's more like something inside of you breaks and your body finds a way to compensate for it. Like if you busted your right hand, you figure out how to use the left one. And sure, you might resist for awhile because you're angry that you have to learn all this stuff again that nobody else does. Eventually your body takes over and figures it out for you. And your glad. because if it was up to you. . . you'd look at your broken hand forever and try to figure out what it was like before. But we’re built for survival. So that’s what we do.
It’s funny, because deep down I knew this was coming, there were times when walking away seemed like the best thing in the world, but I always turned back around. Always. He lived for a long time not knowing if I was coming or going. It wasn’t intentional on my part, I was very confused for a very long time, I always prayed that things would get better, that he’d compromise in ways that I wanted, not in just the ways he thought he should. I looked at him and I saw the man I wanted to wake up next to in 25 or 30 years. The person I wanted to build a life with. But that person was a figment of my imagination. He didn’t exist. I created him to deal with the person I was left with.
He tells me that things have been bad since the move, I don’t buy it. Things were off and on trouble, bad, good, and great. The bad times are what are easy to point out. And that’s never a positive thing. But the good times existed. They were everyday things. Lots of them. But I’ll let him believe that. If it makes it easier for him. I guess he had a small taste of what it felt like to leave everything you ever knew, and be expected to adjust right away, leaving you feeling left out, ignored, unloved, and taken advantage of.
I was reading a old blog that I posted in response to something he’d said 2 years ago, and it’s funny that looking back, it was like a letter to the future me…
“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart.”
So I’m sorry for being Debbie Downer lately, but hopefully this weekend away is what I need to recharge, and refresh. The dogs come back from their vacation on Sunday, and next week starts the new chapter in our new lives. Just me, Libby & Stewie…trying to get the house ready, funny how I have to fix up a house just so I can move out of it. There’s just something backwards about that… go from living in an entire house on 4.5 acres, to living in one bedroom on a horse farm… I’ll be closer to friends and further from the memories. Thanks again, to everyone for letting me ball my eyes out on your couch, in your truck, via text at all hours of the night, on your floor, at your barn, at the horse show… we’re up to 18 hours now… going strong. Funny, it was always my decision to leave, I just never actually left. And like the saying goes, it’s easier to leave, then to be left behind.
Music to drown sorrows/punch a ex boyfriend to:
Wow, so life is crazy right now. Like heart racing, head pounding, arms feel like jello crazy right now. So here it is, you said I’d do it, run and tell ‘anyone who’ll listen’ so I suppose I am…
The boy is gone, he’s decided it’s best for both of us. That was nice of him. I really think it’s easy choice for him. Leave me with the house that I bought, because he liked it alot and we needed a place to live, I really didn’t care where we lived as long as it wasn’t where we were living. Leave me with the bills that have been created because of the house, the need for the dumpster, the need to have the front section of property brush hogged, the house power washed, the basement projects that were started and never finished, the bathroom project that was started and never finished…and he gets to go home to mommy and daddy and being again with no baggage, other than his new found ‘friend’… life is funny.
It’s funny that you think you should hate someone, someone who destroyed your life as you knew it without a second thought in the world, someone who took away all your security and comfort, and did it in the most severe form of betrayal. But yet, I laugh, because I can’t hate him. He was selfish, and didn’t want to work thru issues, saw the easy way out and took it, couldn’t man up and leave a month ago when he found someone new, someone who didn’t have the past we have together, instead he’d tread out on the greener grass a little farther each day, deciding that problems were problems he’d like to leave behind, instead of using the communication he told me he was a master of before we started dating. Did to me what had been done to him, what had been done to friends of his, and something he said he’d never do…
Saying it wasn’t because of her, okay, but she didn’t help the situation. Unhappy? Guess what, I was told I was the only person responsible for my own happiness, so how can I be responsible for someone else’s? Maybe I did take everything for granted, but it wasn’t forever, and I tried to show how I felt, in every little thing I did. Maybe it wasn’t the way he wanted it, but it was all I had to give. But how can the unhappiness over shadow the happiness? How did that happen? I’m still questioning that one. Because in all the times that I was unhappy, all the times I didn’t want to be here, I NEVER wanted to be with someone else, and for all the times I reacted harshly, I knew the good always out weighed the bad, and that this too shall pass. There were times I wanted to walk away, times I wanted to pack it all in, but then something would happen, or there’d be a look, or a smile and I’d realize it was all worth it. The sunshine was worth the pain. I didn’t want this to begin; I fought and fought to stop from creating a situation that would ruin a friendship that was amazing. But you can’t deny feelings.
Two years and it comes down to this... it's amazing how fast things can go from forever to never. Lessons learned, that's for sure. I want to hate him. But I don't. I still have a love for him. It’s a sad sorry kind of love, but I'm no longer in love with him, because this boy who said all the nasty things to me, this boy who treated me less than, the boy who said just play it cool and everything will be okay, while he was testing the waters with someone new, playing with my emotions and saying it would all work out, even though he was already preparing to leave, this is not the boy I fell in love with. The boy I fell in love with used to play with my hair, and sing me silly songs, complain about my socks on the couch, and looked at me like I was the only thing he could see, that's the boy I fell in love with, and that boy left me more than a month ago... it just took me a while to understand that.
But I see it now. And I’m picking the pieces up, thankfully I have friends, GREAT friends. And a support system I never knew existed. So the bills will be paid, the grass will get mowed, the projects that weren’t finished will be finished, and I’ll walk away from it all a little tattered, a little torn, but no worse for wear. And I get to do it knowing I tried harder for this than I’ve ever tried for anything in my entire life. I gave everything I had to give, and it wasn’t enough. The cold eyes that looked past me as he gathered his things told me how little I had actually meant. Though the words of the past tell me otherwise, it’s how it ends that lasts forever. Life wasn’t perfect, I realize that, I didn’t make things easier, but I didn’t give up on it either. And nothing is only one persons fault, I made mistakes too, lots of them, but when you see something happening that affects your future, and you try and control the violent spin that becomes the fallout how is that wrong? How is it wrong to want to hold onto something you want? Something that means everything, something that is a part of you, something you can’t imagine living without? So becoming defensive was my reaction, becoming paranoid for good reason was my reaction, it was over before all of that anyway, trying to show my emotion and happiness ended up being too little, too late, and it’s the past. What’s done is done.
It’s funny how in situations like this people inevitably feel sorry for you, and want to fix the situation, but sometimes there is nothing to fix, nothing to mend, the pieces just don’t fit together anymore, the puzzle is unsolvable. And while it’s nice to hear people support you, and want to support your feelings of anger and rage, it’s nice to hear people laugh and joke too, so thanks to Vegas for yesterday, and yes the wedding is in May. And the dresses will be lime green even though you look good in blue. A smile thru the hurt is a good feeling. “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”
After he packed his stuff, everybody told me that I was going to be ok. That, it would take a little time, but I would heal. Well, I don’t know if that’s going to happen; not really anyway. . . What I’m feeling right now, it doesn't ever really go away -- not completely. It's not like, I’m going to go back to being the person I was before he left -- that person's gone. It's more like something inside of you breaks and your body finds a way to compensate for it. Like if you busted your right hand, you figure out how to use the left one. And sure, you might resist for awhile because you're angry that you have to learn all this stuff again that nobody else does. Eventually your body takes over and figures it out for you. And your glad. because if it was up to you. . . you'd look at your broken hand forever and try to figure out what it was like before. But we’re built for survival. So that’s what we do.
It’s funny, because deep down I knew this was coming, there were times when walking away seemed like the best thing in the world, but I always turned back around. Always. He lived for a long time not knowing if I was coming or going. It wasn’t intentional on my part, I was very confused for a very long time, I always prayed that things would get better, that he’d compromise in ways that I wanted, not in just the ways he thought he should. I looked at him and I saw the man I wanted to wake up next to in 25 or 30 years. The person I wanted to build a life with. But that person was a figment of my imagination. He didn’t exist. I created him to deal with the person I was left with.
He tells me that things have been bad since the move, I don’t buy it. Things were off and on trouble, bad, good, and great. The bad times are what are easy to point out. And that’s never a positive thing. But the good times existed. They were everyday things. Lots of them. But I’ll let him believe that. If it makes it easier for him. I guess he had a small taste of what it felt like to leave everything you ever knew, and be expected to adjust right away, leaving you feeling left out, ignored, unloved, and taken advantage of.
I was reading a old blog that I posted in response to something he’d said 2 years ago, and it’s funny that looking back, it was like a letter to the future me…
“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart.”
So I’m sorry for being Debbie Downer lately, but hopefully this weekend away is what I need to recharge, and refresh. The dogs come back from their vacation on Sunday, and next week starts the new chapter in our new lives. Just me, Libby & Stewie…trying to get the house ready, funny how I have to fix up a house just so I can move out of it. There’s just something backwards about that… go from living in an entire house on 4.5 acres, to living in one bedroom on a horse farm… I’ll be closer to friends and further from the memories. Thanks again, to everyone for letting me ball my eyes out on your couch, in your truck, via text at all hours of the night, on your floor, at your barn, at the horse show… we’re up to 18 hours now… going strong. Funny, it was always my decision to leave, I just never actually left. And like the saying goes, it’s easier to leave, then to be left behind.
Music to drown sorrows/punch a ex boyfriend to:
Spill Canvas: Polygraph, Right Now
Butch Walker: Best Thing You Never Had
Carrie Underwood: The More Boys I Meet (the more I love my dog)
Kellie Pickler: Best Days of Your Life
Macy Gray: I try
Maroon 5: Better That We Break
Maroon 5: Through With You
Maroon 5: Nothing Lasts Forever
Matt Wertz: Hiding Behind A Smile
Matthew Perryman Jones: Save You
Every Path Has Its Puddle
And I just stepped into mine... big time!
I haven't written in a long time, good thing, because that means no one is reading this. Which is a great thing, because then I can write without the fear of any of this coming back to haunt me. So if you should be that one person who stumbles upon this, for some unkown reason, and you figure out who I am, or you already know who I am (even though, if I were you, I'd still pretend I had no clue who I was, but that's just me) just forget you ever saw any of this, and let's act like it never happened.
First let me start by saying, I love my cell phone, in fact I love most technology, but I must say that all of this instant information stuff is making me horrbily impatient. Case in point, I'm in Target, trying to buy a TV and I'm looking at the prices thinking, I wonder if I can get this cheaper anywhere else... so I think I'll go home and shop around, but I really want the TV today, (I'm an impulse/then regret it later kind of shopper) so the little light bulb that follows around over my head goes off, and I magically have the answer. So I whip out my phone, and google the TV that I'm looking for. It ended up not mattering anyway because the guy ended up selling me the more expensive TV at the less expensive TV cost. So life was good all around. That was a whole lot of nothing, for no real reason, huh? Anyway, point. I no longer feel like it's a luxury to have this information at my fingertips. It's just something that I SHOULD have, it's now something I'm entitled to have. Lucky me. Or at least that's how I feel. I'm also addicted to it. Like when my phone beeps to tell me I have an email, even at 4am, I wake up and look at it. I'm nuts right? Yep, I thought so.
In other news. If there is any really. My life is a chaotic mess right now. I can't even explain it. It's just a whole big hot mess of crazy. I moved out of my house. I hate my job. Lord knows if I'm still really dating my boyfriend, we don't even know the answer to that one. I feel like I've ignored all of my old friends... life is just BLAH!
There's nothine else really to say. Not anything you might actually want to hear about that is. Maybe after tonight I'll have some good story to share. I'm going to a party for my recently dis-engaged friend, that is being hosted by her pastors wife...
I haven't written in a long time, good thing, because that means no one is reading this. Which is a great thing, because then I can write without the fear of any of this coming back to haunt me. So if you should be that one person who stumbles upon this, for some unkown reason, and you figure out who I am, or you already know who I am (even though, if I were you, I'd still pretend I had no clue who I was, but that's just me) just forget you ever saw any of this, and let's act like it never happened.
First let me start by saying, I love my cell phone, in fact I love most technology, but I must say that all of this instant information stuff is making me horrbily impatient. Case in point, I'm in Target, trying to buy a TV and I'm looking at the prices thinking, I wonder if I can get this cheaper anywhere else... so I think I'll go home and shop around, but I really want the TV today, (I'm an impulse/then regret it later kind of shopper) so the little light bulb that follows around over my head goes off, and I magically have the answer. So I whip out my phone, and google the TV that I'm looking for. It ended up not mattering anyway because the guy ended up selling me the more expensive TV at the less expensive TV cost. So life was good all around. That was a whole lot of nothing, for no real reason, huh? Anyway, point. I no longer feel like it's a luxury to have this information at my fingertips. It's just something that I SHOULD have, it's now something I'm entitled to have. Lucky me. Or at least that's how I feel. I'm also addicted to it. Like when my phone beeps to tell me I have an email, even at 4am, I wake up and look at it. I'm nuts right? Yep, I thought so.
In other news. If there is any really. My life is a chaotic mess right now. I can't even explain it. It's just a whole big hot mess of crazy. I moved out of my house. I hate my job. Lord knows if I'm still really dating my boyfriend, we don't even know the answer to that one. I feel like I've ignored all of my old friends... life is just BLAH!
There's nothine else really to say. Not anything you might actually want to hear about that is. Maybe after tonight I'll have some good story to share. I'm going to a party for my recently dis-engaged friend, that is being hosted by her pastors wife...
A Little Bit About Me, even if you didn't want to know...
I like the color orange. I really like D.J. I miss showing my horse. I hate green beans. I can’t spell really easy words. I don't like chocolate, I live for mountain dew, I like boys with curly hair, I hate wearing shoes, I'm obsessed with brushing my teeth, I don't like the new herbal essence shampoo, I love taking pictures, I hate car rides with other people, but I love to drive. I have an abnormal fear of bananas. I don't think you know me. I like updating my myspace and facebook pages with nonsense. I wish I could spend the rest of my life on a mission trip. I write letters I never intend to send. Sometimes I cry for no reason. I love the city. I feel helpless to help other people. I wish on shooting stars. I remember my old friends and miss them always. I can't talk quick enough for the thoughts in my head, and sometimes mess up the order of my sentences. Dancing around in the living room to loud music is a mandatory Sunday event. I hate to shower. I couldn't live without my dog. I’m sorry. I stare at the IT guy at work and it makes him nervous, I like to dance, even if I dance badly. I don' t like drama. I do love Eric. I say things I don’t mean. I wanted to be a ballerina when I was little, but I fall too easily. I'm a good driver. I hope they fix my dad. I think I'm a bad friend. I'm picky when it comes to certain things. I dance in the car even if people are watching. I'm terrified of people I love dieing, but I'm not afraid of my own death. I like to make people laugh. I should have stayed in vet school. I hate my smile. I love ice pops, and eat them all year round. I love people who understand comfortable silence. I always re-name people, places and things. I worry about the future, and regret a lot of the past, but I love the present. That’s about it. Smile.
"this is good walking music..."
So the Late Night Lushes weekly meetings haven't been so weekly lately, and this is starting to bother me, well not really because, I'm pretty much an All Day Lush. That's life. I've been sitting here at work trying to think of something to write, some good story to tell, some weird happening in my life that would somehow bring joy and laughter to yours, unfortunatly I can think of nothing of importance to share with the general public.
I've come to the conclusion that my start button is broken, and may be beyond repair. I think of these really great things that I want to do, and somehow I never manage to do any of them. I also think I need to create some life goals, other than my "Five Year Plan" (someone else has a five year plan, and I love him, back to the topic). However this five year plan is becoming the 2 year plan, because the five years are flying by. This is a problem. Not because I don't want to follow through with the five year plan, I just had all these hopes and ambitions that I wouldn't have to put the five year plan into effect at least for ten to fifteen. Oh lord.
So I just kind of 'get by' and while that's working for now, it's not where I want to be. I look around, and think to myself where did I go wrong? Seriously, I started off on the right track, Pre-vet, good school, great friends... and then it's like fast forward, and I'm a lump on a long, with a crap degree ( I say 'crap' in the most desirable way, I mean I did spend an enormous amount of time and energy obtaining this degree, interior architecture is a tuff field, if you're mildly retarded, not that there's anything wrong with that).
Sigh.
Where's my life coach?!
Read it: Idiot Girls Action Adventure Club, this is like snort laugh out loud funny. Seriosly. Read it. twice.
Hear it: Ryan Adams: To Be Young "Oh one day when you’re looking back, You were young and man you were sad, when you’re young you get sad, when you're young you get sad, then you get high...you get high."
So the Late Night Lushes weekly meetings haven't been so weekly lately, and this is starting to bother me, well not really because, I'm pretty much an All Day Lush. That's life. I've been sitting here at work trying to think of something to write, some good story to tell, some weird happening in my life that would somehow bring joy and laughter to yours, unfortunatly I can think of nothing of importance to share with the general public.
I've come to the conclusion that my start button is broken, and may be beyond repair. I think of these really great things that I want to do, and somehow I never manage to do any of them. I also think I need to create some life goals, other than my "Five Year Plan" (someone else has a five year plan, and I love him, back to the topic). However this five year plan is becoming the 2 year plan, because the five years are flying by. This is a problem. Not because I don't want to follow through with the five year plan, I just had all these hopes and ambitions that I wouldn't have to put the five year plan into effect at least for ten to fifteen. Oh lord.
So I just kind of 'get by' and while that's working for now, it's not where I want to be. I look around, and think to myself where did I go wrong? Seriously, I started off on the right track, Pre-vet, good school, great friends... and then it's like fast forward, and I'm a lump on a long, with a crap degree ( I say 'crap' in the most desirable way, I mean I did spend an enormous amount of time and energy obtaining this degree, interior architecture is a tuff field, if you're mildly retarded, not that there's anything wrong with that).
Sigh.
Where's my life coach?!
Read it: Idiot Girls Action Adventure Club, this is like snort laugh out loud funny. Seriosly. Read it. twice.
Hear it: Ryan Adams: To Be Young "Oh one day when you’re looking back, You were young and man you were sad, when you’re young you get sad, when you're young you get sad, then you get high...you get high."
Been Thinking A Lot Lately...
about a certain someone... oh boy, it's sad how much I want you. It's that simple. If only...
Okay, cold shower, on with things, so I think I'm going to have to venture back to the dentists chair again soon. Not that I want to, because I don't. I really don't. Honestly. Why? You ask, seriously concerned about the well being of my dental structure. That 'cavity' that I had filled a couple of months ago, I still maintain that it was not a cavity but a dentistry accident that transpired into an anomely that visually resembles that of a cavity. I can rightfully state this because NEVER have I ever, (that's also a good drinking game) had a cavity, and only now after having my wisdom teeth ripped from my tender gums did one appear. Coincidence? I think not. So anyway, the gigantic filling they assembled in my slightly smaller than average mouth caused some mild discomfort after the procedure, but all is fair in fillings and teeth cleaning, right? WRONG! So not only is the filling out of alignment, and oversized, but I'm now slightly paranoid that this cavity creating disease that has entered into my mouth will spread to my other preciously perfect teeth and fester into a large unstoppable plague that will eventually cause all of my pearly whites to decay and fall out of my mouth one by one, leaving me nothing left to eat but pudding and yogurt. Which are two tasty treats that I do enjoy, just in moderation. I'm worried.
In other knews, this is the second post in a not so long span of time, I'm amazed at my self . Really I am.
I've been looking at apartments again... I know, I know you're like WHAT?! you just moved, what's with the apartment hunting mel c? Well, let me just explain, I'm looking for apartments in the ever so windy city to the west, and I'm pretty much happy with what I'm finding... now only one complication, funds. Funds to back up the project, and my meal ticket? Unfortunatly a four legged creature that ate her way into my heart, and I waited 11, yes that's right 11, years to get. Can I get a "my life sucks"....
Oh and just for future record a list of every job I've ever had, minus the 35billion babysitting jobs I've had...
-Busser/Hostess - JPatricks @ Holiday Inn FQ
-Hostess/Server - Bob Evans Pburg
-Office Worker - MD
-Day Care Worker (for dogs) - Pups n'People
-Mail Room Worker/Copy Chick (as Chip put it) - LEC
-Sales Associate - Eddie Bauer
-Cashier - Pet Supplies Plus
-Certified Custom Framing Specialist - Michaels Arts n' Crafts
-Interior Designer (now we're getting somewhere) - AI
-Server - Max & Erma's
-Still Working @ MD
-Barn Worker - GCF
-Riding Instructor- Camp Lochearn in VT
-Sales Associate - Linen's N' Things
-Information Specialist - AANWO
-Riding Instructor - GCF
I get around...
hanging out with the tin man
Okay, cold shower, on with things, so I think I'm going to have to venture back to the dentists chair again soon. Not that I want to, because I don't. I really don't. Honestly. Why? You ask, seriously concerned about the well being of my dental structure. That 'cavity' that I had filled a couple of months ago, I still maintain that it was not a cavity but a dentistry accident that transpired into an anomely that visually resembles that of a cavity. I can rightfully state this because NEVER have I ever, (that's also a good drinking game) had a cavity, and only now after having my wisdom teeth ripped from my tender gums did one appear. Coincidence? I think not. So anyway, the gigantic filling they assembled in my slightly smaller than average mouth caused some mild discomfort after the procedure, but all is fair in fillings and teeth cleaning, right? WRONG! So not only is the filling out of alignment, and oversized, but I'm now slightly paranoid that this cavity creating disease that has entered into my mouth will spread to my other preciously perfect teeth and fester into a large unstoppable plague that will eventually cause all of my pearly whites to decay and fall out of my mouth one by one, leaving me nothing left to eat but pudding and yogurt. Which are two tasty treats that I do enjoy, just in moderation. I'm worried.
In other knews, this is the second post in a not so long span of time, I'm amazed at my self . Really I am.
I've been looking at apartments again... I know, I know you're like WHAT?! you just moved, what's with the apartment hunting mel c? Well, let me just explain, I'm looking for apartments in the ever so windy city to the west, and I'm pretty much happy with what I'm finding... now only one complication, funds. Funds to back up the project, and my meal ticket? Unfortunatly a four legged creature that ate her way into my heart, and I waited 11, yes that's right 11, years to get. Can I get a "my life sucks"....
Oh and just for future record a list of every job I've ever had, minus the 35billion babysitting jobs I've had...
-Busser/Hostess - JPatricks @ Holiday Inn FQ
-Hostess/Server - Bob Evans Pburg
-Office Worker - MD
-Day Care Worker (for dogs) - Pups n'People
-Mail Room Worker/Copy Chick (as Chip put it) - LEC
-Sales Associate - Eddie Bauer
-Cashier - Pet Supplies Plus
-Certified Custom Framing Specialist - Michaels Arts n' Crafts
-Interior Designer (now we're getting somewhere) - AI
-Server - Max & Erma's
-Still Working @ MD
-Barn Worker - GCF
-Riding Instructor- Camp Lochearn in VT
-Sales Associate - Linen's N' Things
-Information Specialist - AANWO
-Riding Instructor - GCF
I get around...
hanging out with the tin man
I really think that everyone should have watercolors, magnetic poetry, and a harmonica.
Are you ready for this my melancholy friend? Sure you are. So what's with the sudden interest in my life lately? 3 months go by, and nothing, not so much as a soft wind coming my way with your name on it, and suddenly all this commotion and motion causing my life to screech to a freakish halt. First the phone call, and the message left by her, not so cool. Not so cool at all. Then the follow up call, just to patch that first one up, followed by her email, cold and casual as expected. And my response to your inquisition? How's the erie silence treating you?
There's only one problem with this situation, I'm secretly screaming to respond, to get it all out, to yell, and and get you to yell back. Only I know that's not how it would go, not really. I'd stay calm, let you talk, we'd speak in generalities checking the waters, and then if all seemed right we'd creep away from the safe harbor and ask some detailed questions hoping for the answers we secretly want, and then cringe if the harsh wind blows our way. It's hard thinking that we had so much, and lost it in a 4 paragraph email to someone who wasn't even you. But that's life. I'm droning on about something that doesn't really matter, the likelihood of us seeing each other again, slim to none, the likelihood of going to back to the way things were anyway even slimmer. But currently it consumes me.
Song to Download: Butch Walker... Best Thing You Never Had ...well my heart got shattered like romantic road kill my ego got splattered and your ego got fatter and I hope that you're flattered...hello how you doing, what's it like to ruin all my self esteem? when you blow off some steam... so why am i jadded to get back at you what makes it cool when you act like nothing ever happened I feel like I should feel better but I care like someone who thought they're the only one that mattered I hope that you're battered, cause you broke this dam, the best thing that you never had.
Are you ready for this my melancholy friend? Sure you are. So what's with the sudden interest in my life lately? 3 months go by, and nothing, not so much as a soft wind coming my way with your name on it, and suddenly all this commotion and motion causing my life to screech to a freakish halt. First the phone call, and the message left by her, not so cool. Not so cool at all. Then the follow up call, just to patch that first one up, followed by her email, cold and casual as expected. And my response to your inquisition? How's the erie silence treating you?
There's only one problem with this situation, I'm secretly screaming to respond, to get it all out, to yell, and and get you to yell back. Only I know that's not how it would go, not really. I'd stay calm, let you talk, we'd speak in generalities checking the waters, and then if all seemed right we'd creep away from the safe harbor and ask some detailed questions hoping for the answers we secretly want, and then cringe if the harsh wind blows our way. It's hard thinking that we had so much, and lost it in a 4 paragraph email to someone who wasn't even you. But that's life. I'm droning on about something that doesn't really matter, the likelihood of us seeing each other again, slim to none, the likelihood of going to back to the way things were anyway even slimmer. But currently it consumes me.
Song to Download: Butch Walker... Best Thing You Never Had ...well my heart got shattered like romantic road kill my ego got splattered and your ego got fatter and I hope that you're flattered...hello how you doing, what's it like to ruin all my self esteem? when you blow off some steam... so why am i jadded to get back at you what makes it cool when you act like nothing ever happened I feel like I should feel better but I care like someone who thought they're the only one that mattered I hope that you're battered, cause you broke this dam, the best thing that you never had.
Wondering what to do...maybe I'll pick up the phone.
So I finally figured out what was going on with my lil blog site, and why it wasn't looking the way i had remembered it to look back in the day. I don't know why, or how but at some point the template I used is no longer active, or I destroyed it. I'm not sure which, though the latter is the more likely choice. But oh well. I spent about half an hour trying to pick a new template that would look semi worthy of my space, I know that's crazy, and I know that it just helps show the coolness level that i currently resonate at. Such is life. I've decided, with the help of my spiritual guide "Mr. Moon" that I need a vacation, not that I have done anything worthy of earning a vacation, I just whole heartedly believe that I need on. You're probably thinking wasn't your entire summer a vacation? And to that my friend I reply, no, hell no. If anything it was a stress test gone very very bad. I passed, not just because of my superior skills, I just happen to test well.
So my dear friend, bedee, sent this thing via email to me, and I'm not one to read forwards, and definitely not one to read entire forwards, but I was feeling like I had a bit of free time last night and decided I could splurge a few extra minutes and read it. And I will post my own reply, on here, I think it deserves one. It's basically the male point of view of us gallons of milk (aka women) and why we go bad. Fired up yet? Don't worry we don't all go bad, just the majority of us. I'm sure i'm going to get a nasty email about how I'm not finding the deeper meaning to this piece of journalistic art, and to that I say, well I am only a gallon of milk, most likely spoiled, sitting in the cooler at the grocery store, and I'm most likely overpriced to say the least. Metaphors are for monkeys. Not really I just needed to say that. The music I'm listening to right now is so relaxing I could totally fall back asleep. Only I have to work today, and so sleeping right before I go would not be a happy thing,because then all I'd want to think about at work is sleeping, and it's starting already, so i have to stop thinking about sleep and just get on with it.
So I will. On with it now.
Peace in the east, my fellow milk jugs.
If you get a chance to read read this:
So you say you want to get a natural high?
other natural highs available:
Long time no blog. But that's life. So who wants to hear about my new years eve? That's right you all do. But I'm going to spare you the details, call if you want them, and give you the condensed readers digest version of the nights happenings. First, lost one and a half (half because shorty couldn't concentrate enough to continue play) games of euchre. Next, got sufficiently buzzed. Then, groped by married boy. And to top the night off, ugly boy's comments that will live forever: 1) I'll give you a natural high, if you know what I mean. 2) (to jaymee) so I'm trying to get in your friends pants but I don't think it's working. HELLO! you're ugly kid, of course it's not going to work. Seriously.
In other news, I'm still no further along on trying to get a life than I was when I was 6, my reading level is the only thing that's actually improved, and the only reason for that is the year or two I spent every saturday at the library. No joke. I know it's hard to believe cool me spend saturday at the library. Reading is sexy people.
I've decided the entire world is crazy. And my pet peeve of the week is the fact that people do not know how to argue, or they just yell. Seriously, you can only argue with someone who is willing to fight, and in case you were wondering I DO NOT CARE enough to fight with you, about anything. Well, that's a lie, I'd fight over dj. For sure. But other than that carry your own shit on your shoulders, I chose not to. You can't make me yell with you so don't bother trying. This is my rant. Not my life. I've wasted enough of my life, and I won't waist anymore of it on you. You're not that worthy. Kiss it.
People I currently miss...scotty b. (ALWAYS!) asia tasia (haven't talked to you in way too long!) kristi smith (you are the coolest puddin pop I know) horton (because you like to dish with me) kendra (because that girl is sweet) there are more I just don't remember them right now!
cool song to download for today: James Blunt / Goodbye My Lover
"And I will reveal my soul in time. When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend...I'm so hollow, I'm so hollow baby, I'm so hollow. "
I'd Like To Get Away For Awhile...
Hey, so long time no post. But hey, what can you do? I've been rolling in the green grass, climbing mountains and hugging trees. Not really, more like chasing 200 screaming girls, running after horses, sweating my ass off, and hanging out with mormons all summer. And to top it all off I haven't had a drink in almost three months, I'm going to be returning home as a one beer queer. I'm scared, and don't know what to do. My body may go into shock when I come back and down a forty and a 12 pack. But oh well.
Camps been if nothing else, a watered down soap opera. They take a bunch of college aged kids and put them in this almost story book esc atmosphere and force them to live and work together 24 hours a day 7 days a week. And let me tell you, boy do you learn who you like and who you don't relatively quickly. Luckily for me, I just have a way of letting people know that I either do or do not like them right from the start. Mostly I don't like people. But that's the story of my life.
There's been boy drama, friend drama, rumors, rumors, rumors, fights, and laughs, it's been an awesome time, as a whole, but there have been days, mostly recently when I've been dying to just hop in big d and drive back to the burg.
Last night for instance, me and my roommate the awesome Kelly 'you rock my face off' Mullen made homemade icecream in Highland after hours, I of course couldn't wait for mine to freeze all the way and had more of a milkshake than anything, but as long as I enjoyed it that's all that really matters right? That's what I thought.
Well I have to run, more kids to entertain.
Peace out Girl Scout.
Hey, so long time no post. But hey, what can you do? I've been rolling in the green grass, climbing mountains and hugging trees. Not really, more like chasing 200 screaming girls, running after horses, sweating my ass off, and hanging out with mormons all summer. And to top it all off I haven't had a drink in almost three months, I'm going to be returning home as a one beer queer. I'm scared, and don't know what to do. My body may go into shock when I come back and down a forty and a 12 pack. But oh well.
Camps been if nothing else, a watered down soap opera. They take a bunch of college aged kids and put them in this almost story book esc atmosphere and force them to live and work together 24 hours a day 7 days a week. And let me tell you, boy do you learn who you like and who you don't relatively quickly. Luckily for me, I just have a way of letting people know that I either do or do not like them right from the start. Mostly I don't like people. But that's the story of my life.
There's been boy drama, friend drama, rumors, rumors, rumors, fights, and laughs, it's been an awesome time, as a whole, but there have been days, mostly recently when I've been dying to just hop in big d and drive back to the burg.
Last night for instance, me and my roommate the awesome Kelly 'you rock my face off' Mullen made homemade icecream in Highland after hours, I of course couldn't wait for mine to freeze all the way and had more of a milkshake than anything, but as long as I enjoyed it that's all that really matters right? That's what I thought.
Well I have to run, more kids to entertain.
Peace out Girl Scout.
Some people call me the space cowboy...
Much news, much news. I've been neglecting to share, I know, and now the time has come. I'm moving to Vermont. Ta Da! I know, isn't it crazy? But hey, when the going gets tough... I just move on to good ol' VT. So I'm packing my bags, and heading out... uh.. east? I'm leaving June 8th, it's crazy soon, and I'm never going to get everything done in time, but you know, who cares!? Yeah, and I'll be there if you need me. Other than that lifes, you know, normal... But whatever!
Later!
Much news, much news. I've been neglecting to share, I know, and now the time has come. I'm moving to Vermont. Ta Da! I know, isn't it crazy? But hey, when the going gets tough... I just move on to good ol' VT. So I'm packing my bags, and heading out... uh.. east? I'm leaving June 8th, it's crazy soon, and I'm never going to get everything done in time, but you know, who cares!? Yeah, and I'll be there if you need me. Other than that lifes, you know, normal... But whatever!
Later!
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair, I'm wondering how I'll get down those stairs...
please just go here...http://dsmivpsychology.blogspot.com/... please...
I shudder at the thought that this is how some people spend their free time. Honestly.
What up? So I knew I was popular with the crowd, but come on people, I can only Blog so much. I have things to do during the day, you know? So just try and limit yourself to mindless checking of the blog a couple times a day. You know? It's unhealthy to become so addicted to something so wonderful. It's just wrong.
So at work the other night, (that would be last night) I was talking about one of the three TV shows that I watch, The WB's Jack & Bobby, which is about to be cancelled, and I was saying that I'll turn my TV on to it even if I'm not watching it just to give it ratings, and one girl at work was like, Oh you have a Nielson box, and me being the ignorant little girl that I am was like Wha?! and she informs me that you have to have one of these nifty little boxes attached to your TV inorder for your ratings to count. Hmm... do you know anyone with this mystery box? how do I get one? I want one. Badly. I watch good TV and I don't want it cancelled. So damnit if you have a glorious Nielson box watch Jack & Bobby, save them! Well, at least Jack, he's sexy.
In other news, I was at the bar last night, because where else would I be? And my friends, friend, (because that's how I roll) told me this hilarious story that I'm going to share with you at this moment. So she was intoxicated, with a friend and they had parked in this parking lot and as they were coming back to their car they saw a towtruck getting ready to tow her car so they try and stop the guy and he tells them that for forty dollars he won't tow it, so she says well I only have a dollar, and goes into this speech about how she doesn't have a job, (but she has money to get drunk) and he's like well I'm towing it, so her friend looks at her and is like JUST GO! and so she jumps in her car (which mind you is attached via the little rollie thing to the tow truck and slams on the gas and takes off. So she's speeding away, still attached to the device, at a whopping 15mph, and her friend just hangs out with the tow truck driver, who calls the police. He later tells the cops she was just some girl he met at the bar (LIE!) and he doesn't know her. So anyway, she's screeching down the road, flying as fast as a slightly disabled car can fly, and has to slam on the brakes at a red light, at which point the device comes flying out from under her car, causing the car in front of her to stop. The driver of said car gets out, looks around and picks up the tow truck device, tosses it in the back of his car and drives on his merry way. My friends, friend is like WHAT?! but not one to ask questions she just drives on home, happy to be free of the device, glad that lucky fella decided he had some use for it. Whomever he may be.
Random song you should totally download: Counting to 100/Matt Wertz aka Melissa's boyfriend.
please just go here...http://dsmivpsychology.blogspot.com/... please...
I shudder at the thought that this is how some people spend their free time. Honestly.
What up? So I knew I was popular with the crowd, but come on people, I can only Blog so much. I have things to do during the day, you know? So just try and limit yourself to mindless checking of the blog a couple times a day. You know? It's unhealthy to become so addicted to something so wonderful. It's just wrong.
So at work the other night, (that would be last night) I was talking about one of the three TV shows that I watch, The WB's Jack & Bobby, which is about to be cancelled, and I was saying that I'll turn my TV on to it even if I'm not watching it just to give it ratings, and one girl at work was like, Oh you have a Nielson box, and me being the ignorant little girl that I am was like Wha?! and she informs me that you have to have one of these nifty little boxes attached to your TV inorder for your ratings to count. Hmm... do you know anyone with this mystery box? how do I get one? I want one. Badly. I watch good TV and I don't want it cancelled. So damnit if you have a glorious Nielson box watch Jack & Bobby, save them! Well, at least Jack, he's sexy.
In other news, I was at the bar last night, because where else would I be? And my friends, friend, (because that's how I roll) told me this hilarious story that I'm going to share with you at this moment. So she was intoxicated, with a friend and they had parked in this parking lot and as they were coming back to their car they saw a towtruck getting ready to tow her car so they try and stop the guy and he tells them that for forty dollars he won't tow it, so she says well I only have a dollar, and goes into this speech about how she doesn't have a job, (but she has money to get drunk) and he's like well I'm towing it, so her friend looks at her and is like JUST GO! and so she jumps in her car (which mind you is attached via the little rollie thing to the tow truck and slams on the gas and takes off. So she's speeding away, still attached to the device, at a whopping 15mph, and her friend just hangs out with the tow truck driver, who calls the police. He later tells the cops she was just some girl he met at the bar (LIE!) and he doesn't know her. So anyway, she's screeching down the road, flying as fast as a slightly disabled car can fly, and has to slam on the brakes at a red light, at which point the device comes flying out from under her car, causing the car in front of her to stop. The driver of said car gets out, looks around and picks up the tow truck device, tosses it in the back of his car and drives on his merry way. My friends, friend is like WHAT?! but not one to ask questions she just drives on home, happy to be free of the device, glad that lucky fella decided he had some use for it. Whomever he may be.
Random song you should totally download: Counting to 100/Matt Wertz aka Melissa's boyfriend.
You're just too high to see the point, you think your name is pass the joint.
...here at the party everyones happy, everyones high... I think I like you, but you like this whole room you sexy machine...
Gavin Degraw is sexy.
So I have to discuss this thing I call my job, I think Karma is telling me that I really should not continue in the service industry, not only in the past two days I've worked I've not only gotten into an argument over the "boxed" cake that we sell, but i've also spilled a beer, literally all over this guy, who in return left me a large chunk of faces for my pocket. Props to him! But I've also had an ice tea go flying, and douse me, afterwhich I did get a free shirt, and life was good again, but I mean this stuff just does not happen, you know?! I've been working there forever and never has any of this happened, so I'm thinking this is in fact someones way of showing me that I should not work there. Don't you think?
I'm also calling the guy back from Camp Storer today, and I'm applying at Camp Lohikan tonight, so hopefully I can run away for awhile, not like that bride-to-be, I won't require a multi-state manhunt, just a letter every now and then. Oh and money... lots of that.
p-out
everything else will be overrated.
...here at the party everyones happy, everyones high... I think I like you, but you like this whole room you sexy machine...
Gavin Degraw is sexy.
So I have to discuss this thing I call my job, I think Karma is telling me that I really should not continue in the service industry, not only in the past two days I've worked I've not only gotten into an argument over the "boxed" cake that we sell, but i've also spilled a beer, literally all over this guy, who in return left me a large chunk of faces for my pocket. Props to him! But I've also had an ice tea go flying, and douse me, afterwhich I did get a free shirt, and life was good again, but I mean this stuff just does not happen, you know?! I've been working there forever and never has any of this happened, so I'm thinking this is in fact someones way of showing me that I should not work there. Don't you think?
I'm also calling the guy back from Camp Storer today, and I'm applying at Camp Lohikan tonight, so hopefully I can run away for awhile, not like that bride-to-be, I won't require a multi-state manhunt, just a letter every now and then. Oh and money... lots of that.
p-out
everything else will be overrated.
Hey Brody!
So, it's been awhile, and I'm not proud of that, but you know. I can dig it. So unfortunatly not much is new, just the same ol' same ol'. I just keep on trucking, like a mack truck in the landfill. Just roll on along.
I thought I'd take a moment to share my experience with the movie Closer, I would like to say, I'm pretty sure, it had to have been written by a man, I say this, and I have no clue if it in fact was written by a man, but I'm sure it was, if you've seen it, you know what I mean. The fact that one small group, small being 4 people, can have sex within that group, in so many freaking combinations is beyond me. And also what happened to Ruth?! I would like to know, Ruth if you're out there hun, call me. Because he was an asshole to just leave you hanging like that. So some other chick gets hit by a car while a Damien Rice song plays quietly in the background and BAM all traces, memories, and sentimental feelings of the once serious, live in girlfriend are void and gone? What the hell?! This is just too much for me. The movie besides being a great way for dudes to get a look at Natalie Portmans ass, moved entirely too slow for me, although in the movie land time, the years flew by, and frankly I could have used some of those key phrases, like "2 years later" to randomly pop up at the bottom of the screen, because I didn't get it for awhile that in fact 2 years had went by, and suddenly Ruth was gone. Seriously, if anyone knows where Ruth went, I'm still curious.
Have to run, I need sleep. I'm starting to type out of sequence.
You're my hero.
So, it's been awhile, and I'm not proud of that, but you know. I can dig it. So unfortunatly not much is new, just the same ol' same ol'. I just keep on trucking, like a mack truck in the landfill. Just roll on along.
I thought I'd take a moment to share my experience with the movie Closer, I would like to say, I'm pretty sure, it had to have been written by a man, I say this, and I have no clue if it in fact was written by a man, but I'm sure it was, if you've seen it, you know what I mean. The fact that one small group, small being 4 people, can have sex within that group, in so many freaking combinations is beyond me. And also what happened to Ruth?! I would like to know, Ruth if you're out there hun, call me. Because he was an asshole to just leave you hanging like that. So some other chick gets hit by a car while a Damien Rice song plays quietly in the background and BAM all traces, memories, and sentimental feelings of the once serious, live in girlfriend are void and gone? What the hell?! This is just too much for me. The movie besides being a great way for dudes to get a look at Natalie Portmans ass, moved entirely too slow for me, although in the movie land time, the years flew by, and frankly I could have used some of those key phrases, like "2 years later" to randomly pop up at the bottom of the screen, because I didn't get it for awhile that in fact 2 years had went by, and suddenly Ruth was gone. Seriously, if anyone knows where Ruth went, I'm still curious.
Have to run, I need sleep. I'm starting to type out of sequence.
You're my hero.
Uncle Rico is hot and Lafawnda is my hero...
So it's been awhile, and when I say awhile, I mean... A long, long time. But the really sad thing is, things are pretty much the same. You know... exactly the same. Scott got transfered to Michigan, so no more worries that our crazy affair will get noticed, phew. I was worried for a second or too.
Other than that things are the same. yep. the same. so... later yo!
So it's been awhile, and when I say awhile, I mean... A long, long time. But the really sad thing is, things are pretty much the same. You know... exactly the same. Scott got transfered to Michigan, so no more worries that our crazy affair will get noticed, phew. I was worried for a second or too.
Other than that things are the same. yep. the same. so... later yo!
I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do, there are so many thoughts in my head...
So I started my new job yesterday, and let me tell you, I think I'm going to suck at it. And I mean, it's not like I expected to be this totally great server. But I mean, lets face it. I am in no way a nice person. And sometimes I just can't fake it, well so I can never fake it. But I mean, who knows, we'll see I guess. Whopps, hold on, forgot about the dogs. Alright, but besides that, I've got a 2 good looking managers, who are all totally awesome, which helps. You know.
Other than that, life's pretty much the same, which in a way is sad, you know, because, well I'm a loser. But at least I'm comfortable with it. I'm looking for a job. There I said it. And well, this whole process is rather intimidating, not that I don't have a life plan or anything, because I do, I just have it on *pause* at the moment, and was kind of hoping that after awhile it would just kind of kick back into play mode and I wouldn't really have to do anything about it, just kind of roll with it, make some money, move to england marry a rich bloke and settle in for a lush life. You know, every girls dream. At the rate I'm going, I'll end up living under a bridge, and the sad thing is, it will probably be the maumee bridge, not even a cool bridge, because well, I'm sure by now all the cool bridges are taken. There's probably a waiting list. Oh well. C'est la vie.
I think I have a circulation problem, because my feet and my hands are constantly cold, and when I say constantly I mean, seriously all the time. The other day at work I had to go into the bathroom and run hot hot water over them just to get warm, because I was FREEZING, and I am right now, which is why I brought it up. Good one.
Five super cool things that happened lately: 1) There seems to always be super cool music on the radio, 2) H. Biggs and I won the name game Sat. Morning at work 3) I gave a lesson last week, and in less than 1/2 and hour I got one girl to quit taking riding lessons, it was great. 4) I watched, Mean Girls, Saved, Jack & Sarah, & Phonebooth this weekend 5) After this week I'll be down to 3 1/2 jobs!!
So I started my new job yesterday, and let me tell you, I think I'm going to suck at it. And I mean, it's not like I expected to be this totally great server. But I mean, lets face it. I am in no way a nice person. And sometimes I just can't fake it, well so I can never fake it. But I mean, who knows, we'll see I guess. Whopps, hold on, forgot about the dogs. Alright, but besides that, I've got a 2 good looking managers, who are all totally awesome, which helps. You know.
Other than that, life's pretty much the same, which in a way is sad, you know, because, well I'm a loser. But at least I'm comfortable with it. I'm looking for a job. There I said it. And well, this whole process is rather intimidating, not that I don't have a life plan or anything, because I do, I just have it on *pause* at the moment, and was kind of hoping that after awhile it would just kind of kick back into play mode and I wouldn't really have to do anything about it, just kind of roll with it, make some money, move to england marry a rich bloke and settle in for a lush life. You know, every girls dream. At the rate I'm going, I'll end up living under a bridge, and the sad thing is, it will probably be the maumee bridge, not even a cool bridge, because well, I'm sure by now all the cool bridges are taken. There's probably a waiting list. Oh well. C'est la vie.
I think I have a circulation problem, because my feet and my hands are constantly cold, and when I say constantly I mean, seriously all the time. The other day at work I had to go into the bathroom and run hot hot water over them just to get warm, because I was FREEZING, and I am right now, which is why I brought it up. Good one.
Five super cool things that happened lately: 1) There seems to always be super cool music on the radio, 2) H. Biggs and I won the name game Sat. Morning at work 3) I gave a lesson last week, and in less than 1/2 and hour I got one girl to quit taking riding lessons, it was great. 4) I watched, Mean Girls, Saved, Jack & Sarah, & Phonebooth this weekend 5) After this week I'll be down to 3 1/2 jobs!!
I like to bite my fingernails...
and that is not a lie. I promise. Really. It's gross, and true. Completely off topic fact of the day. There you have it.
Where does this leave us? Well it leaves me sitting back in my black leather chair, with fresh from the shower wet hair, waiting for my food to get here, food that I've been awaiting for almost six hours, and why have I been waiting six hours for food? Because I've been running around like a crazy person all freaking day, and when i say all freaking day? I mean ALL freaking day.
So the food has come and gone, and I'm completely feeling full and refreshed, life is now back to it's homeostasis status of well being... ahh... I sigh with great relief. So I have a lot of things going on right now, and I was thinking about this the other day. If I was in class right now, I probably would lock myself in my closet and down a forty and a bottle of sleeping pills, not really but the dramatics seemed to fit right there, because well this is almost too much to take, in fact if there was a way for you to see what order I was typing these letters you would be able to see that not only am I leaving out almost every other letter, but I seem to be slightly keyboard dyslexic this evening... but it happens... right on.
and that is not a lie. I promise. Really. It's gross, and true. Completely off topic fact of the day. There you have it.
Where does this leave us? Well it leaves me sitting back in my black leather chair, with fresh from the shower wet hair, waiting for my food to get here, food that I've been awaiting for almost six hours, and why have I been waiting six hours for food? Because I've been running around like a crazy person all freaking day, and when i say all freaking day? I mean ALL freaking day.
So the food has come and gone, and I'm completely feeling full and refreshed, life is now back to it's homeostasis status of well being... ahh... I sigh with great relief. So I have a lot of things going on right now, and I was thinking about this the other day. If I was in class right now, I probably would lock myself in my closet and down a forty and a bottle of sleeping pills, not really but the dramatics seemed to fit right there, because well this is almost too much to take, in fact if there was a way for you to see what order I was typing these letters you would be able to see that not only am I leaving out almost every other letter, but I seem to be slightly keyboard dyslexic this evening... but it happens... right on.
Pig Tails, a Large Coke, and White Socks...
Three things I enjoy right this instance. No doubt.
So I'm sitting here, and I'm listening to Travis, because well, they rock. ::insert ridiculous rock grimace here::
What I've decided is blog (yuck word) worthy today is Real World Philly, now I'm a real world enthusiast you could say. And well I've seen just about every episode of every season, and even if I hate it I somehow seem to still watch it. So I'm trying to fall asleep last night, with no luck, and no roommates to bother, (tears are welling in my eyes) and so where does this leave me? Turning on the TV and seriously, I do not watch that much tv. I just don't. I don't know why, I just don't. So anyway, I turn on MTV and there it is, Real World Philly, and it's the first day and everyone is moving in and you get to meet everyone and I have to agree with the psycho slut, MJ is hot. I'd jump him too psycho slut. I would. So the psycho sluts name escapes me at this instance, oh wait I think it might be sarah... huh what a coincidence... I know another sarah who is a bit of a slut.... hmm... anyway, there was my going to hell in a handbag line of the day. So anyway, this girl she is a bit too forthcoming for my taste and there is no way I could live in a house with her, I would kill her. And that Willy dude I totally knew that I had seen him from somewhere else, GHOSTWRITER!! How fucking awesome is that?! I knew PBS really did screw up kids. Anyway, and the dude with the name I forget is homosexual as well! I never saw that coming, did anyone else?! If you did you have highly sensitive gaydar because even the gay guy didn't really get it at first. And that's just great. I love this shit you know?!
Hold on the music stopped and I have to turn it back on to something else, I don't know what so give me a moment. Want to know of a good sad song... try Rachael Yamagata "The Reason Why" you'll enjoy it. I promise.
Well I'm off to work on my purple scarf I'm working on for someone for christmas... who I don't know, but when it's done we'll see. Maybe I'll keep it, and then again maybe I just won't finish it. You never know.
If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to.
Three things I enjoy right this instance. No doubt.
So I'm sitting here, and I'm listening to Travis, because well, they rock. ::insert ridiculous rock grimace here::
What I've decided is blog (yuck word) worthy today is Real World Philly, now I'm a real world enthusiast you could say. And well I've seen just about every episode of every season, and even if I hate it I somehow seem to still watch it. So I'm trying to fall asleep last night, with no luck, and no roommates to bother, (tears are welling in my eyes) and so where does this leave me? Turning on the TV and seriously, I do not watch that much tv. I just don't. I don't know why, I just don't. So anyway, I turn on MTV and there it is, Real World Philly, and it's the first day and everyone is moving in and you get to meet everyone and I have to agree with the psycho slut, MJ is hot. I'd jump him too psycho slut. I would. So the psycho sluts name escapes me at this instance, oh wait I think it might be sarah... huh what a coincidence... I know another sarah who is a bit of a slut.... hmm... anyway, there was my going to hell in a handbag line of the day. So anyway, this girl she is a bit too forthcoming for my taste and there is no way I could live in a house with her, I would kill her. And that Willy dude I totally knew that I had seen him from somewhere else, GHOSTWRITER!! How fucking awesome is that?! I knew PBS really did screw up kids. Anyway, and the dude with the name I forget is homosexual as well! I never saw that coming, did anyone else?! If you did you have highly sensitive gaydar because even the gay guy didn't really get it at first. And that's just great. I love this shit you know?!
Hold on the music stopped and I have to turn it back on to something else, I don't know what so give me a moment. Want to know of a good sad song... try Rachael Yamagata "The Reason Why" you'll enjoy it. I promise.
Well I'm off to work on my purple scarf I'm working on for someone for christmas... who I don't know, but when it's done we'll see. Maybe I'll keep it, and then again maybe I just won't finish it. You never know.
If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to.
I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.
Here we go, so lately I've been a movie FREAK. And when I say FREAK I mean, like it's gotten completely and utterly out of hand. I should see someone regarding this new found problem, I really should. But due to the lack of insurance at the moment, I guess I'll just have to deal with the problem without the use of professional assistance. So I saw "Napoleon Dynamite" on Saturday night with my super cool friend HBiggs, and let me tell you it was seriously laugh out loud, fall out of your chair onto the sticky floor and not even care funny. No doubt. So if you haven't seen it, do so. Then on Sunday night Zimbo and Val and I were going to go and see "The Notebook" because Val and I thought we should enlighten Zim into the tearful world of "you will NEVER find a love like that" movie. Because well we feel everyone needs to go and cry a river. Maybe not to the point that they need to sit in the theatre for 15 min after the movie gets out in order to collect themselves (cough cough val) but you know, it was a good time. However we decided to go and see Garden State instead because I've been wanting to see that like it was my job or something. So I convinced Zim, through the offer of purchasing her ticket to go to see that instead, and let me tell you, not only was that the best movie that I've seen in awhile, but it was like one of those movies that you see and not only do the affect you for years to come, but you could literally watch that movie everyday and get something out of it everytime. Zach Braff, is a master. And well, if this whole breaking up the DJ thing falls through, and this trip to London fails to produce a viable husband, then I'll most definitely be calling him, and setting a date for us to get hitched.
Wow, that went on for awhile didn't it. But anyway, so I'm digging movie trailers, and there is this movie coming out called "Dear Frankie" and you should all check it out, because it looks so cute. The dude in it is easy on the eyes, as well.
I think I'm going to start a new crochet project after I'm done writing this, because well, I have nothing better to do. So well, I think I'm going to go and do that right now. Alright, yes I am.
Here we go, so lately I've been a movie FREAK. And when I say FREAK I mean, like it's gotten completely and utterly out of hand. I should see someone regarding this new found problem, I really should. But due to the lack of insurance at the moment, I guess I'll just have to deal with the problem without the use of professional assistance. So I saw "Napoleon Dynamite" on Saturday night with my super cool friend HBiggs, and let me tell you it was seriously laugh out loud, fall out of your chair onto the sticky floor and not even care funny. No doubt. So if you haven't seen it, do so. Then on Sunday night Zimbo and Val and I were going to go and see "The Notebook" because Val and I thought we should enlighten Zim into the tearful world of "you will NEVER find a love like that" movie. Because well we feel everyone needs to go and cry a river. Maybe not to the point that they need to sit in the theatre for 15 min after the movie gets out in order to collect themselves (cough cough val) but you know, it was a good time. However we decided to go and see Garden State instead because I've been wanting to see that like it was my job or something. So I convinced Zim, through the offer of purchasing her ticket to go to see that instead, and let me tell you, not only was that the best movie that I've seen in awhile, but it was like one of those movies that you see and not only do the affect you for years to come, but you could literally watch that movie everyday and get something out of it everytime. Zach Braff, is a master. And well, if this whole breaking up the DJ thing falls through, and this trip to London fails to produce a viable husband, then I'll most definitely be calling him, and setting a date for us to get hitched.
Wow, that went on for awhile didn't it. But anyway, so I'm digging movie trailers, and there is this movie coming out called "Dear Frankie" and you should all check it out, because it looks so cute. The dude in it is easy on the eyes, as well.
I think I'm going to start a new crochet project after I'm done writing this, because well, I have nothing better to do. So well, I think I'm going to go and do that right now. Alright, yes I am.
